Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!
by Kamiko Kiyo
Summary: The gang will never be the same...
1. Doctors

AN: So, I'm redoing this to make it "regulations" and all that shit that annoys some of us. Just a warning, this is all very half-heartedly done just for fun when I feel like screwing around and to lighten other people's day when they just feel screwy too. Other than that, viewers are able to make suggestions that I will **WRITE OUT** and the actual shortly written Ways to Annoy the DBZ gang will be listed at the end of every chapter.

Enjoy.

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

It was a beautiful day at the Son house when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Goku answered it.

"Hello, is this the Son residence?" a deep voice asked.

"Yeah, who's this?"

"I'm your family doctor calling you on account of your next appointment. You've been overdue for quite some time."

Goku visibly paled. "A doctor?" he repeated slowly.

"Yes."

"As in, the ones at hospitals?"

"Yes."

"The ones with nee-nee-need-"

"'The ones with needles'?" the voice guessed.

"Ye-yeah," he replied breathlessly.

"Well, we don't use needles here."

Goku let out a breath of relief.

"The technical term for them is a syringe. And yes, we do, in fact, perform injections with them here."

Goku started sweating.

"Um! Well, you see- about that Doctor, I don't think we'll be needing any appointment. We probably don't even need a doctor anymore!" he said hurriedly. "Nope! we're all healthy here, so-"

"Goku! What are you doing!" Chichi called as she walked into the room.

"Nothing!" he lied, hiding the phone behind his back. "Just talking on the phone. Wrong number, I'll just hang up now."

The woman knotted her eyebrows in suspicion at his actions.

"Stop," she commanded before he could hang up.

He froze.

"Give me the phone, Goku," she said threateningly.

The Saiyan was temporarily conflicted as to whether he should obey and face the doctor or go against Chichi and face her.

...

He chose (albeit hesitantly) the former.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"This is your family doctor calling about your next check up."

"Family doctor? May I ask your name?" she questioned, frowning.

"It's Dr... Bob. Yes, This is Dr. Bob."

"Well, 'Dr. Bob,' is there a reason our family doctor is calling when we don't have one and live on a mountain miles away from any civilization such as hospitals?"

There was silence.

"... BECAUSE SHUT UP!"

And the line went dead.

Chichi slammed the phone down angrily and put her hands on her hips. "The nerve of some people! Prank calling. Goku!" she turned to her husband. "That doctor was fake and next time-" She turned to find her husband gone.

Suddenly, she heard sounds of flying and looked out the window to see Goku dragging Gohan away by the back of his shirt.

"Sorry Chichi! But we're going away for a little father-son bonding! Don't know when we'll be back! But we won't be able to go the hospital to get a check up or shots!" Goku yelled, not looking back.

"But Dad! I'm not afraid of shots!" Gohan complained, failing to make his father release him.

"Goku! Get back here! Gohan has homework to do!"

.

Somewhere, a figure was watching the scene unfold. "Wow," the being said in surprise. "I didn't think that would work. Apparently, you can always count on Goku's stupidity. But I better come up with a better name next time." The person smiled mischievously. "This could be fun."

.

1. Fake a call from the Son's doctor that it's time for a check up.


	2. Heroes

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Gohan?"

"Yeah?" the half saiyan perked.

"When did you learn your Saiyaman moves from the Ginyu force?"

His jaw dropped. "... What?"

"When did you learn them. I mean, you were on Namek trying to find the dragon balls to wish Piccolo, Yamucha, Chiaotzu and Tien back. And you had to fight the Ginyu force to get them. So when did you find time to learn their moves from them?"

"I- you- how do you know...? But I'm not Saiya- the Ginyu force...? Well- um... I DIDN'T LEARN THEM FROM THE GINYU FORCE!" he bellowed.

"But those goofy moves you make as Saiyaman are just like the ones that Ginyu and his team made," the person reasoned. "They're probably even worse because you keep spouting a bunch of cliche heroic justice crap when you do them."

"'Goofy'? They're not goofy! And my speeches are declarations of justice to warn he bad guys. They're cool... right?" he asked uncertainly.

"If that's your definition of cool, then Krillin's singing would be considered awesome."

"But Saiyaman is a super hero. They have to make cool moves and speeches when they face the bad guys."

"Maybe you just learned by watching," the being ignored him, rubbing their chin in thought. "You'd definitely be smart enough to do that. But the question still remains: why?" they looked at Gohan with disturbed bewilderment.

"Goten thinks they're cool," he sulked.

"Goten would think a fairy that's made with a flashlight shining on the wall is cool," they put a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"Jeez, you're harsh."

"And you're a comic book geek."

.

2. Ask Gohan when he learned his Saiyaman moves from the Ginyu force

**Kamiko:** Have the regulation sissies stopped bitching? ... Good.


	3. Dictionaries

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Ya know, Piccolo. It's _okay_ to be gay for Gohan."

The Namekian opened his eyes, broken out of his mediation by the comment. "What are you talking about?" he said in a gruff voice.

"Well, you're always watching out for him (even when he's not in danger), save him just when you think he's about to get his ass kicked, you decided to train him without anyone asking you to when the Saiyans were coming even though, at the time, you basically hated everyone, you went to Namek to help him fight Freiza, hell, you died for him. That along with the fact that you're just a generally a cold jack ass other than when it comes to Gohan kind of spells out that you've got feelings for him of the gay variety," the person spoke idly.

"... Gay for Gohan?" he internally checked his mental dictionary for the foreign sounding term. "I'm 'happy' for him?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You're happy to be with him and you'd be even happier if you could really _be_ with him, ya know?" the being elbowed his leg suggestively, seeing as the two had a significant height difference, causing Piccolo's usual frown to deepen at the contact. "I'm just saying, it's okay to feel that way. You should just accept it. It will really make you feel better."

There was a moment of silence as the person showed signs of being deep in thought about they're own words before their eyes widened and they quickly added, "Of course, Kami knows you'd probably go to HFIL if you actually did anything about your feelings and it might not go down very well with Chichi, anyone else of a clean mind or even Goku and forgetting about whether Gohan would accept, reciprocate or even know how to react to your feelings, the point is it would still be better if you just admitted them to yourself."

"... I still don't know what the hell you're going on about," Piccolo was beginning to get a little irritated.

"What I mean is that it's OKAY to be gay for Gohan, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. Look, if you don't get it, go look it up in a dictionary or something," with that the person left.

"Look it up..." he said thoughtfully.

.

Everyone in the store kept their heads down as low as they could. At least the ones that were bold (or dumb) enough to actually stay did.

The manager looked over at a customer that had entered the shop a few moments ago warily, keeping one hand over the store's panic button and the other within reach of the store's hand gun that was used in self defense in case of robberies.

The man had seen many strange characters in his time working for the place, but this one took the cake. First, he was green. GREEN. That in itself was a feat. Then there was his pointy ears. Also GREEN. The guy wore a turban on his head, a cape, booty shoes, no shirt, had monster claw-like fingernails and weirdest of all: he went into the dictionary department. Who the hell goes into a book store to look at dictionaries? He didn't even look like the studious type.

The madness.

.

Damn, Piccolo hated going out in public. Every time he did all the humans would stare and gawk at him like some attraction. Didn't they have anything better to do? Like control their offspring for one, because Kami damn it, one was crying a river and while the weak ears of the people may not have been bothered, it sure as hell bothered him and his sensitive hearing. Thankfully, it took one look in the child and parent's general direction from him for them to realize they were being nuisances to him and leave.

In the book store it wasn't as bad since some people actually left upon his arrival, but he still didn't like it. Quickly making it to the dictionary section, he picked one up and skimmed through the pages, wanting to get the damn definition and leave.

_'Let's see... "gavotte," "gawk"... "to stare stupidly." Just like these irritating people.'_ He felt the eyes of someone on him and turn sharply to see another on looker become startled at his attention and then run away in panic. 'This _is why I don't like people,'_ he mentally growled at the reason why he was in this Kami forsaken book store in the first place.

'"_Gawky,_"' he continued his search. _'"Gay. **1** joyous and lively; merry." No, I was already told that wasn't what it meant. "**2** Bright; brilliant [gay colors]" That doesn't sound right either.'_ His eyes went down to the last definition_. '"**3** Homosexual_ -n. _a homosexual, esp. a homosexual man"...'_

_._

Things were starting to calm down with the presence of the man until-

"I AM _NOT_ GAY!"

Screams. "Wah! Police!" Press. Click. "I don't want any trouble! You hear! Make one move and I'll shoot!"

"That little-! Gay! With GOHAN! Wait till I get my hands on you! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"AH! Please don't hurt me!" Tremble.

"This is the police! We have you surrounded! Come out, peacefully or we'll open fire!"

Realization. "... Damn it."

.

3. Tell Piccolo it's _okay_ to be gay for Gohan


	4. Gardens

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Ya know, Mr. Popo. You're kinda like Krillin."

"What makes you say that?"

"You're both short, you're both highly unmanly, you both futilely dedicate your lives to something that will obviously never love you back... and neither of you have noses."

Before the genie could reply, the person said, "By the way. Does that also mean that, just like Krillen, although you have no nose you, can still, in a sense, smell, yet lack a sense of smell when a situation arises that suits you where smell would weaken or be disadvantageous to you?"

"... But Mr. Popo can smell."

"Then how come you haven't noticed the smell of something burning for the last few minutes?" they asked without batting an eye.

"What!" he cried, using his 'nose' to follow the smell and bring him outside to the sight of arson.

"Oh! MY GARDEN!" he panicked. "Water! I need some water!"

"Mr. Popo! I think I found some!" Mr. Popo took the bucket and threw it over the flowers only to watch the whole bed erupt into a violent blaze.

"Opps... that might have been gasoline," the being said slowly, looking back at the plastic, red container that had sat next to the bucket. Sure enough, it read 'WARNING: Gasoline. Highly flammable.'

"My butterfly garden," the dark colored man wailed and let out a cry as he watched one of the insects catch fire and burn like paper into ash before it fell to the ground.

"It'll be alright," he felt a consoling hand on his shoulder. "All you have to do is get rid of the ashes, give the butterfly corpses a good burial and re-plant your garden and it'll be as good as new," they said optimistically. "They're just some flowers. They probably weren't so special that you can't plant another garden."

"I've had that garden for over thousands of years," Mr. Popo sobbed into his hands. "It will take at least a hundred more to re-plant!"

The being made a small 'o' shape with their mouth. "Um, well-" the person was cut off by a ringing sound. "Hold that thought." They walked a few feet away and opened their device to come face to face with their caller. "What is it, Yamucha?"

"Hey, when are you going to return that gasoline you borrowed from me? I need that for my car," the baseball player complained.

"I promise I'll get it to you by the end of the day, so cool your jets," they spoke to the screen. "Where are you right now, anyway?"

"I'm on my way to a game in Pepper City. Sheesh is it easy money to just show up, swing a bat, throw a pitch and do a little running. I may not be as strong as some of you guys, but I know how to use my strength to my advantage," he bragged.

"Yes, very impressive when you're going up against a bunch of humans in a non-lethal game for the entertainment of the public, Mr. Defender of the Earth," they retorted sarcastically.

"Eh, it's a living. Yamucha out," he said as the screen went black.

Still hearing Mr. Popo bawling in the background, the being walked back over to the teary genie.

"How did this happen? Who would do such a thing to my poor garden?" he blew into a tissue.

The person bent down to inspect the red container of gas and their eyes widened. "You tell me," they turned to Mr. Popo, pointing at a handmade label on it, saying 'PROPERTY OF YAMUCHA.'

The usually gentle man's eyes changed from hurt to irate at the sight. "I take it you'd like to be the one to return Yamucha's gasoline to him?" the person said with the smallest trace of amusement on their face.

He simply nodded darkly with rage and hostility clouding his eyes.

"Last question," they smirked, What luck. They did have a promise to keep after all. "Do you like baseball?"

.

4. Set the plants on the Look Out on fire (poor Mr. Popo, his only life is his garden; except for Kami, but-ah, well, that's gone too...)

.

**Kamiko:** Thank you all so much for your reviews! They make me happy inside that people enjoy it.

And just to complete the mediocre nature of this all, I will personally respond to some of you guys!

Luna Bluu: Thank you for all of your encouraging thoughts and reviews! It's reviews like your that encourage me to continue!

crazyone256: I wasn't going to be the one to tell Piccolo either. That's why I made this very shady persona to do the dirty work for me.

RHODA: I'm glad you think I belong here. But I still despise the regulations and the annoying people who must be so uptight about it, who insult me rather than just tell me.

J.W. Appel: Thank you for the suggestions, but it will take some time to ge to them as I have many more planned for some time.


	5. Orbits

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Goku, does Krillin's head have it's own orbit?"

"Huh? What does that mean?"

"You see, planets have orbits, because of their round shape and large size. For example, we orbit the sun as it orbits us. Therefore, the light of the sun shines on one half of the earth in cycles. In order for this to happen, the planets encircle each other constantly. And that's what makes night and day, get it?" the being explained.

"Okay~, so if something is round and big it has an orbit," he deduced.

The person nodded.

"Well, I really don't know. I've never seen stuff floating around Krillin's head before."

"That's probably because only rocks and pieces of earth do that. I'm almost positive his head has one, but I wanted to ask you to make sure."

"So, how do we know if it does?" Goku asked.

"Easy. We just throw a rock near his head and see if it starts rotating around it," the person bent down to get a stone. It filled their whole hand, but Goku took it with room to spare in his own.

"Well, if you're positive-"

"Almost positive."

"Then let's give a try." Scanning the grounds, he spotted his best friend and threw the rock at his head with average strength, which, translated into human terms, was throwing it faster than the speed of sound.

The monk had no chance to even make a sound of pain as it hit with a sickening crack.

"Oh no! Krillin!" Bulma yelled, getting down to inspect the injury. "I think he got knocked unconscious! Goku, what the heck was that for!" she admonished the Saiyan.

The fighter immediately panicked. "But we were just checking for-" he turned to find his accomplice gone. "... Krillin's orbit," he breathed out.

"He did WHAT!" a voiced screamed. "Goku! This is not one of your rough-housing matches! You may have given him a serious concussion!" Chichi screeched.

"Oh crap."

.

5. Ask Goku if Krillin's head has its own orbit

6. Then tell him he should chuck a rock at his defenseless, unsuspecting head to check (heh, heh, payback time…)

.

**Kamiko**: Just an FYI. When I first wrote this in list format, some of them went together, so you may be seeing some of the ways grouped together in these one-shots.

Also, the 'payback,' as I call it, references a funny video I saw of a moment during filler that happens in the Cell Saga. When Goku is trying to ascend Super Saiyan by staying in Super Saiyan as a natural state Krillin believes that using such immense power with such daily ease, Goku must have very tunned reflexes and would easily be able to dodge or combat a rock thrown at him (by Krillin). This soon back fires and shows just how much Krillin knows.

'Till next time, when we will be taking on Launch! Oh, the horror for a certain innocent.


	6. Threats

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Launch?"

"Yes?" the petite, blue haired woman turned.

"Smell this bowl of pepper for me," the person replied, bringing it up to her face before she could refuse.

"Don't do that! I'll- aa~ aa~ CHO!" she sneezed as her blue hair lightened to blond and her soft feminine features hardened.

"Huh? What's goin' on?" the woman whipped her head around.

"Yeah, that was me," the person raised their hand admittedly. "So, I called you out just 'cause I thought you deserved to know about something."

"'Know'? About what?" she asked impatiently.

"It has to do with Tien," they continued cryptically.

"Tien?" She was suddenly very interested. "Tell me right now, you little punk, before I pump you full of lead!" she demanded, materializing a machine gun to emphasize her threat.

"TIEN IS CHEATING ON YOU!" the being blurted, not expecting the hostility to be directed towards them.

It took a moment for her to register what was just said.

"... With _whom_~?" the 'whom' was spoken with such malevolence and venom that it scared the person so shitless they shouted the first name that came to their mind.

"CHIAOTZU!"

Again, it took time (a good few minutes this time) for her to understand the word's meaning.

"Chiaotzu...?" she asked, incredulous.

The being nodded fervently in fear.

In a second, Launch hijacked a motorbike (with the owner still on board) and sped off into the horizon. "Head to where Tien lives NOW!"

"What hell are doing, you crazy bi-!"

Point. "I've got a gun and it's loaded!"

Sweat. Grovel. "Look, lady. I don't even know who Tien-!"

Click. "Just DRIVE!"

"YES, MA'AM!" Tears.

"You're dead once I get my hands on you! YOU HEAR ME, YOU WANNABE CLOWN MIDGET!"

Meanwhile. "... I regret nothing."

.

7. Tell Launch Tien is cheating on her (if they're even dating that is, I've never cared enough to pay attention)

8. Tell her it's with Chiaotzu

.

**Kamiko**: Alright, my awesome reviewers. Sadly, I have bad news. School is right around the corner. That means that I will not be updating nearly as fequently as I have recently. This may be the last you see of me for a while. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to squeeze one more chapter in before school starts, but it's a long shot. It's too bad too, because up next up is Vegeta!

From now on I'll try to tell you who's on my 'Piss Off' list next, but only if I know who I'm writing for. While I may have an order for this, I still would love to hear from you guys and have already heard hilarious ideas that will definitely show up in the future. For now, ja-ne! And enjoy the summer while it lasts.


	7. Vegetas

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Whacha doin'?"

"What does it look like, brat! Now leave me in peace before I blast that insufferable screen to ashes!"

The short figure on the monitor let out a low whistle. "Someone's in a bad mood. And just so you know, Bulma says if you break the screen again she's gonna cut off the gravity room... again."

"Hmph, let the woman do what she wants. A few mountains will do just fine for a substitute," after a brief pause in his exersizes the Prince smirked. "Or perhaps I can seek out Kakkarot for a session."

"Ooh, someone had a fight with Bul-," the person cut off as the Saiyan's words registered and their eyes widened before they broke out into a grin. "Aww, good for you, Vegeta."

That caused him to abruptly cease all training and turn to the screen with a raised eyebrow. "And just what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, suspiciously.

"I'm glad you're getting all happy about spending some time with Goku is all," they said innocently.

"I am not 'happy' at the thought of meeting with Kakkarot. I simply revel in the thought of actually sparring with a fighter even close to my level, instead of breaking some lifeless machines. Now what are you implying?"

"Alls I'm saying is that you should feel good about yourself."

"Because...?" Vegeta urged them to continue.

"It's bad not face what you feel."

"_About_...?" He went on, loosing his patience faster than a bull seeing red.

"Certain feelings...," they drawled.

"Goddamit! Tell what the hell you're blathering on about, before I come out of here and strangle it out you myself!"

"You finally came out of the closet," the being answered.

There was a chilling silence in the room as Vegeta mentally processed the person's word's meanings.

"Came... out of... the closet," he said with a deathly quiet voice.

"You're so obviously in love Goku and finally told him. I just feel so proud of you! I mean, I feel a little bad for Chi-Chi, but you can't control love and I think you guys make a super cute couple! So how long have you been together? No, wait; with how you talk about your 'sessions' I bet it's been a while. I have a feeling they're pretty intense. Had any good 'sessions' lately? If you know what I mean," the person wiggled their eyebrow. "Oh~, your little mpreg babies are going to be so cute! With your hair and Goku's grin. Ya know, maybe you guys can get married! I think there are some states in America that allow that, but then again, I don't know if either of you would care to deal with that kind of-"

That was Vegeta's boiling point.

"Shut your damn mouth! How dare you insinuate something so disgusting! I hate Kakkarot with all my being and would never choose him for such thing!" At this point he was trembling in anger, as his energy became unstable with his emotions. "I'd pick THE WOMAN over of him! I would never do something so _vile_ with that clinically moronic idiot even if it were _possible_ and we were the last two of our race! Oh, wait-WE ARE!"

"You know, your denial spells it all. I think you're just being shy-"

BOOM!

With a suddenly burst of ki, the screen was cracked and it's shards fell, clinking against the metal floor of the gravity room.

"Keep running your mouth and I promise I'll have your entrails slowly removed from your body," he said venomously, although the being could no longer hear him, having just reduced the screen to junk metal.

Suddenly he heard, "BULMA! Vegeta broke the gravity room's monitor again!"

"What! Are you kidding me! VEGETA! THAT'S IT! YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT! HOW DARE YOU BREAK IT! _AGAIN!_ THIS IS THE 6TH TIME THIS MONTH! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I PUT INTO MAKING...!"

Annoyance. "That brat's going to pay," he spoke ominously.

.

Elsewhere a certain 'brat' was off, completely oblivious to the short Saiyan's threat, enjoying themselves to the fullest. Hell, even if they had heard Vegeta, they probably wouldn't have even batted an eye.

"Hey, Goku! Vegeta says he's ready to go all the way and have little mpreg babies and marriage with you!" the person yelled as they flew over the man's usually fishing spot.

"What!" Goku looked up at them in bafflement, dropping his fish in the process.

"It's not a food! But he still wants to have it with you! And maybe a session or two too!"

.

7. Gush over Vegeta and Goku's mutual love to either or both of them

.

**Kamiko:** So, I was really having trouble with this Vegeta one. You may think it's easy since he's one of the characters with the shortest tempers, but it's not. I didn't really like this one very much, but I promised you guys a Vegeta one this time and so it is written and so it shall be...! Or something.

Also, Mysterion strikes again! Or Mystery, as some of my reviewers have taken to calling the shadowy figure, but until all is revealed, I officially dub them Mysterion, because I suddenly love Kenny. (For all of those who got that reference, you shall receive my specially baked cookies! ...Take that as you will.) Still feel free to let your imaginations wander though. Next up is Gohan!


	8. Confettis

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Gohan! Come inside!" his mother called.

"In a minute!" he yelled back, while playing with Icarus.

"No! I want you in here _now_!" Chi-Chi said more forcefully.

"Coming!" he jumped up in response and entered the kitchen. "Is something wrong, Mom?" he asked, somewhat hesitantly.

"Gohan, where is your homework?"

This caught the boy of guard. "Uh, it's where I usually leave it," he answered, slightly confused.

"And is it done?" There was a hint of suspicion in her tone.

"Of course. I was out playing with Icarus. You never let me play when I have homework."

"Then how come your finished homework box is empty?"

"What!" he cried and ran to his room to find her words to be true. "No. I did the last of it this morning!" He searched the box, all of the droors and cracks in his desk, but came up with nothing. He moaned in despair and then pulled at his hair in frustration.

"Well, seeing as how you still have work to do, and blatantly chose to _lie_ about getting it done, then I see no reason why your school work shouldn't be tripled and all play time with Icarus shouldn't be taken away for two weeks," Chi-Chi said with deadly control.

.

Outside, Icarus, who had been eavesdropping from outside the window, let out a whine, sagging in disappointment.

.

"But Mom, I swear-"

That's when the flood gates broke.

"NO BUTTS! THERE WILL BE NO SWEARING IN THIS HOME AND ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOUR MOUTH! YOU WILL SIT THERE, FINISH THAT HOMEWORK AND GET STARTED ON YOUR WORK FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK! THERE WILL BE NO EXCUSES, NO SNEAKING OUT AND NO _PLAYING!_ YOU WILL BE FOCUSED AND ON TASK AND I EXPECT YOUR BEST WORK! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR SO THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OR DO I _NOT!"_

"Yes, Mom! I understand!" Gohan skittered to his desk and slammed open at notebook, scribbling furiously on the pad.

Watching him like a hawk for a few minutes to make sure he kept it up, she nodded her head to herself in stern satisfaction before exiting the room and continuing to wash the dishes from lunch (which was always a task with two hungry Saiyans, but with her skilled experience, it usually only took 30 minutes).

With only the sounds of dishes clinking filling the otherwise silent room, Chi-Chi began to unwind from her stern mother mode and actually began to feel a small pull of guilt tugging at the back of her mind. _Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on him. he's just a boy and bound to loose things. He's usually such a good kid and not even one to lie. Only when he gets mixed up with Goku's crazy friends does he ever act rebellious._ She paused with a sponge and plate in her hand. _Maybe I could lift his punishment just a little. Tell him to just be more careful next time? Oh, what should I do? I can't go to Goku and ask him. I love the man, but he takes nothing into deep consideration, like Gohan's future. He'd just play the whole thing off and say I'm taking it too seriously._ She sighed in exasperation. _I just don't know. I suppose parents really are more protective of their first. Well, if we have another child I'll be more lenient, but Gohan is already on track and I can't let up... but that doesn't mean I should be so harsh should it?_

"I know what you're thinking, but it's for his own good Chi-Chi," a voice cut through her thoughts. "If he starts lagging behind in his work and lazing around now, who knows what it will lead to? A part time job in fast food? Living at home at 30? Going to _community_ college? You're doing the right thing. Have no doubt about it," the short being told her.

After a moment of contemplation, Chi-Chi's gaze sharpened in certainty. "You're right. He needs to understand the importance of his school work. It all pays off in the end." She turned to the person as they were drying the dishes she had cleaned. "And thank you for telling me about Gohan's slacking. He may not like it, but I thought he always took his work seriously."

"No problem. The kid shouldn't be making confetti when he should be studying anyhow," the person abruptly stopped drying. "Oh, hey. I forgot something in Gohan's room when I was cleaning earlier. Do you mind if I go get it? I'll try not to disturb him."

"Alright, but be quick." With a nod, the figure was off.

.

"Hey, Gohan. How are you hanging in there?"

"I'm working, I promise!" The boy looked up in alarm, but relaxed when he saw it wasn't his mother. "Oh, hey. I'm feeling really depressed."

"How come?" the being asked, dragging in a large, bulging black garbage bag.

"My Mom's angry that I didn't do my homework and thought that I lied, but I really did do it and now I'm in trouble," he sighed.

"I know a way to change that," they smiled happily. "You're obviously stressed, so first thing's first. We gotta open a window in here and get some fresh air in you!"

The being walked over to undo the window's lock and open it. "And then finally," they twirled around and began untying the garbage bag. The half-Saiyan looked on curiously as their hand was stuck in the bag and they threw something at him.

"Huh?" he blinked as it rained down on him. "What is this?" he examined the papers.

"Confetti! That outta change your attitude. I spent a good hour cleaning it up."

As Gohan ran his fingers over the paper he saw something grey. "Wah?" he turned one of the pieces he'd collect over in his hand (as not to make a mess. He was in enough trouble as it was) and found writing. Writing that looked strikingly similar to-

"Are these my missing papers!" he all but yelled incredulously.

The pieces were swiftly yanked out of his hands and lite on fire with a lighter before being put back into the garbage and promptly kicked out of the open bedroom window far from the view of any Saiyan's sight.

"Maybe they were and maybe they weren't," the person said in a sickenly innocent voice. "Either way, any evidence of it is burning rapidly miles farther than you can reach right now as we speak."

Gohan simply stared out the window, jaw gaping, frozen in shock at what had just happened.

.

"So is he staying focused?" Chi-Chi asked as the person's small form picked up the dripping dishes again.

"Hm?" She received a brief blank look followed by blinking. "Oh, yeah," they seemed to recall. "Gohan's spacing and staring out the window," they said casually as they wiped the cleaned cup with a cloth. "Almost made me think he was planning on leaving or something."

The sound of a dish and rag flopping unceremoniously into water was followed by rapid foot steps on stairs and angry, accusing, shouting from another room.

"Ah. This is what it's all about," the figure said serenely.

_"Alright, what should I do today?" When they walked into the room they were sorely disappointed. The room was pretty bare and clean. They could try messing up the room, but they were striving for something a little more creative._

_After a little investigation the being huffed. There was nothing here. No embarrassing pictures, no inappropriate material (they honestly didn't even know what that would be, but hey, it wouldn't hurt to look) no diaries, nothing. Glancing over the room for some inspiration, the person spotted a box sitting on the desk with a tall stack of papers jutting up, out of the box and walked over in curiosity._

_Picking up the top sheet they scanned over it and smirked. "Homework, huh? Well, aren't you a good little boy, Gohan."_

_._

Woble. Eeeee. Sha.

Woble. Eeeee. Sha.

Woble. Eeeee. Sha.

_"45 homework sheets of Gohan's on the desk~ 45 homework sheets~! Ya take one down~ shred it to mounds~ 45 homework sheets of Gohan's__ on the desk~! 44 homework sheets of Gohan's on the desk~..."_

_._

_"What happened in here?" Chi-Chi's eyes wandered around the room._

_"Gohan said he finished his homework and went outside. Probably would've gotten it done sooner if he hadn't taken paper shredding breaks," they said thoughtfully, gathering up more pieces of paper._

_"You mean _Gohan_ did this? It's a mess!"_

_"Don't worry, I've almost got it done. I'll come down in 20 minutes to dry the dishes for you."_

_Chi-Chi took a calming exhale. "Thank you. Well, at least he got his homework-," she trailed when she noticed the designated work box. "... Gohan~," she growled scoldingly, trying her best to control her tone. "When you're finished I'm having a talk with that boy," she said more to herself. "He's got some serious explaining to do," she said with obviously contained anger._

_._

_"The rooms clean and I got rid of the trash!" the being said happily, bouncing down the stairs._

_"Can you wait for me in the kitchen?" the woman asked, the sharp gaze on her face meant for her son already leaking though._

_"Okay!"_

_"Gohan!"_

_The being pressed against the wall to better hear the results of their work._

_"No! I want you in here _now_!"_

_This was gonna be good._

_._

8. Shred Gohan's homework and tell Ch-chi he's been slacking off

.

**Kamiko:** So, obviously I'm not great at deciding on good sound effects or even generally good at it, so I shall explain that the Woble was the shimmering sound a whole piece of paper would make if you waved it around or picked it up, the Eeeee was the sound of the electronic paper shredding (where Mysterion got an electronic paper shredder, not even I really know. He/She just sometimes pulls this kind of stuff) and the Sha was supposed to be the sound of the pieces of shredded paper making noises against each other... yeah, I fail at sounds, sorry.

So, in honor of my birthday, I give you the gift of a new chapter of Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang! (Kind of ironic, huh?) Thank you so much for your reviews! They are always encouraging and make my day better! You are all awesome!


	9. Magazines

**Warning**: Contains material possibly offensive to homosexuals and the sensitive. I don't pay enough attention to know for sure, but I'd rather not get pentalized for being a novice. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Ways to Annoy the DBZ Gang!

"Heh, heh, heh," Master Roshi cackled as he waited on the beach. He'd ordered a new lingerie magazine a couple weeks ago and was currently waiting for it to arrive. "Oh girls, no need to fight! There's enough of me for everyone!" He'd fallen asleep not too long ago and was currently dreaming of Kami-knows-what-and-will-never-speak-of-as-long-as-he-lives-and-beyond-the-afterlife.

He was abruptly awoken as a copter with a mail insignia landed. Roshi was up before the man could step out of vehicle. "Do you have it! Do you have my mail! Let me see!"

"Jeez old man, cool your jets," he said in annoyance. "Sign here," he presented the clip board which was signed in a milli-second.

"Give it here!" the immortal yelled excitedly.

"Alright, alright," he gave Roshi the magazine which he took with gusto. Just before he was back in the copter the man took on a lewd look and spoke conspiratorially, "Check out page 32. It'll blow your mind," and with that he was off.

Roshi laughed almost maniacally looking at the cover and reached out a trembling hand. This was a special issue of his usual magazine, so full of inappropriate and xxx rated images that the cover had to be completely void of any intimation of the contents inside to be allowed distribution. "Just turn the page," he said to himself, barely containing his glee.

Just then it was snatched out of his hands.

"Who's the wise guy!" he yelled as his treasure was taken and his eyes locked on a certain blue-eyed trouble maker.

"Give it up Roshi, you're not fooling anyone," they spoke condescendingly.

"That's mine! I bought it! Now give it back!" he held out his hand for the booklet.

"Don't you think it's dumb to waste a bunch of money on stuff you don't use?"

That threw the old master off. "What are you talking about! I use them all the time," he spoke in confusion.

"No, you don't," the person deadpanned.

"Why wouldn't I use them! They're full of the most beautiful things in the world!" he bellowed.

The person stared at them evenly, "That's debatable, but I doubt you'd find anything of interest or value in these things," the person dangled the magazine by two fingers as if it were poisonous.

"Why would would that be?" he asked, still pissed off and slightly curious.

They stated matter-of-factly, "'Cos you're gay."

Silence reigned between them for all of two seconds.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I'm as straight as ruler!" He was red in the face with anger, because as everyone knows, Roshi's nonexistent shame is incapable of and beyond embarrassment.

"Maybe a circular ruler," the person scoffed.

"You damn youngin's should be more respectful to your elders! Now give me my magazine!" He lunged for it with speed that would possibly even match Krillins, but the person dodged, instantaneously appearing on the roof of Kame House.

"It's a little hard to respect you when I see you harboring things like this," they waved around the magazine. "Honestly, you gay, dirty little men could at least _try_ to be considerate and keep this stuff out of sight. I just hope to Kami that it's hidden away when Marron is around. No need to scare little girls."

"Stop saying that! I like women! What in blazes could make you think otherwise!" he yelled. "And gimme my magazine!"

"Ugh, what's worse than a gay is one who denies it. Look, old man. It's the 21st century. People are a lot more cool about that kind of stuff. The only thing that makes you different is that you're a perv about it and don't even have the decency to control it."

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I'M NOT GAY!" Master Roshi bellowed.

"Oh, yeah? Prove it!" they challenged him, using his new magazine as a hostage.

By this time he was red in the face, but on the life of his precious magazine he went into Kame House, grabbing another one from his collection and presenting it to them. "There ya little brat! Pages and pages of beautiful faces and scantily clad bodies that look like heavenly angels with seductive... pretty... girls~!" His own words sent him off into a spiral of fantasy, almost making him loose himself.

"If this isn't proof enough that you're gay, I don't know what is," the being stared disinterested at the images.

"Wah!" The old man broke out of his trance. "What are you-?" He flipped the magazine around to reveal a well chiseled man, adorning only a thin speedo.

As if it were the plague, the master dropped the magazine with disgust and distanced himself as far away as he could from the offensive image.

"WHAT THE HELL!" he cried out in horror. It was mortifying to see the manly face and overexposure of the non-effeminate body. _'My magazine... Just today it was filled with gorgeous babes and now-! Wait! If this one is like this then-!'_

Far exceeding any of his age group, Master Roshi sprinted inside and threw his stash around the floor. Just as he'd suspected, testerone pumped faces all stared at him suggestively, in work out clothes, swimsuits and much less.

Oh, god.

He was starting to fell light headed and shakily stumbled backwards into a chair. "All... my... girls..." After that he began mumbling unintelligibly.

At that moment, the being walked in, watching the man with slight sympathy. They supposed that porn was all the old man really had and that they should have thought about this a little more (not that that would have stopped them, but still). In a rare moment they took pity on the old man and unceremoniously dropped the open magazine over his dazed face.

"There, that oughtta fix you right up," they spoke with a comforting tone before leaving the house and flying off.

A few minutes later, the immortal bolted awake from his trance. "What the-? Where am I!" Didn't he fall asleep outside? Hearing something papery drop he looked down and his face shown with perverted glee. His magazine was here! Forgetting the odd fact that he wasn't where he last left himself, he proceeded to carefully open the blank-covered booklet.

.

Off on a far away island a being was leaning against a tree languidly, perched on a fairly high branch. "Well, that was a bit of a waste. I take my time to go out on a scavenger hunt and he ends up with a hard core porno. I guess they do say you gotta be careful what you wish for or your words could be twisted and blow up in your face," they said philosophically (?). "'Course that didn't happen to me _exactly_, but..."

_"I am Shenron. What do you desire of me?"_

_Looking up at the dragon, undeterred by its size they, yelled, "I want you to turn Master Roshi's playboys and other pervy stuff into playgirls and gay pervy stuff!" with a straight face._

_"... You're really asking me this...? Me: an almighty dragon that comes out of seven f***ing balls scattered around the world that's capable of granting _any_ wish only _once_ per year is being asked, by you, to turn some immortal, dirty old man's female-centric pornographic magazines into male-centric pornographic magazines?" It stared at the being with mock and exasperation._

_"Trying and failing to turn the androids human and being asked to melt ice," they stated simply._

_"... F*** you," the dragon cursed, but, regardless, his eyes glowed, granting the being's wish._

The person perked at a thought. _'Wait, did my wish extend to every pervy thing Master Roshi owned before the wish or everything he'll ever touch?'_ the being pondered intensely. A faint wail of agony went through the air, unnoticed by the person. _'Ugh, I'm tired of thinking. Night, night_,' with that the person went to sleep, unbeknownst to the agravation and torment they'd inflicted upon a certain perverted immortal.

.

9. Call Roshi Gay (Idea from J.W. Appel)

.

**Kamiko:** So, obviously not the best chapter, but it's been a while and I felt like I should update. Please excuse or point out any mistakes, but my heart just really wasn't into this one. And once again thank you to all my readers and reviewers! You make me feel special. And lastly, please feel no offense to the gay comments. It's all in fun and games at Master Roshi's expense.

J.W. Appel-It's not so much torturing as Mysterion is just looking to have a good time (which just usually happens to be at other's expense). And here you go! Also, I'd do your bulma idea, but quite frankly, I don't understand it. Pretty much everything I write has to make sense on some level, but I don't get the idea. With Chi Chi, it made sense, but not with this one...

KrillinFanGirl-That may be, but we here at the DBZAnnoyanceInc. don't discriminate. In time, everyone will have their own piece of scarring and irritation. And thanks, I kinda knew about Tien and Launch, but wasn't sure.


End file.
